An Unnerving Calm of No Emotion

 

I had now found myself in a situation that I did not feel comfortable in and I felt the need to retract. I felt anonymous.

Is the role of women limited to her helping of man? Is this what my life was about? Is this what it all came down to?

 

The Uncertainty of One’s Own Identity.

Being in Nothingness!

Reduced to a union –

mere necessity,

not need.

 

Functional rather than intimate!

The sin I do not feel,

the temptation not,

a closeness sometimes.

 

A distancing from the Oneness of being!

Standing alone in the created world,

the illusions that became and are now –

shattered and torn.

 

In this nothingness, this void,

this abyss of where I am now!

 

All feelings subdued

and all else, numb.

 

To remember what it was like before,

what I thought then of,

what it would be like now –

is to assume

that I could foresee this.

 

I didn’t want to….

To have been overpowered gradually,

groomed – unable to stop it.

 

It has all gone!

Those surges of something that no longer simmer.

There is an unnerving calm of no emotion.

With b – 03/04

 

And now I find that ‘unnerving calm of no emotion’ is not so much disquieting at all but a peaceful guidance of returning in a tranquil, calming encompassment instead of a sorrowful indifference to life.

 

April 2016

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